(CHAPTER FIVE: The Underworld)
NENGO 327年12月2日 10:17 PM - 29 Days Until Culmination
Once through the gate and inside the labyrinth, TRITHAL utilizes his supreme sense of direction and the party heads towards the assumed location of the Gates of Hell. After about 20 minutes of walking in the direction that resembles forward, they come across a 3-way fork in the tunnel. Someone will need to make a decision...
AXEM pulls out his cellphone and tries to use his GPS, but cannot because they are under a mile of magnetic rock, and the GPS signals are impenetrable.
AXEM: "Damn it! This phone cost me 200 GP! You'd think for a phone this expensive it would work in impossible conditions such as these!"
THRAX: "Hey Trithal! Wanna try that vocal-acoustic thing we usually use in this kind of situation?"
TRITHAL: "I don't know... your voice has dramatically changed since you ingested that poison back in Episode 42. Do you think you can still produce the necessary wavelength?
THRAX faces down one of the tubes and attempts to use his SONIC VOICE. Instead of a steady wave of sounds resonating down the tunnel, a loud, death-metal style of belch emitted, and part of the tunnel collapsed.
Anri: "Well that was just pointless."
AXEM: "Well damn! What the hell do we do now?"
TRITHAL: "I guess I need to do this by myself. Fuck!"
Over the course of about 45 minutes, TRITHAL stands in front of each tunnel, emits 20 second bursts of SONIC VOICE, and listens intently. From the middle tunnel, TRITHAL hears something that makes him slightly lose balance, but he soon regains his composure and continues.
After he was done with the whole process, TRITHAL says, "Well, I think the one we needed to take was the one THRAX just collapsed."
In response, everyone accosts THRAX for fucking things up.
THRAX: "Sorry! I was TRYING to be helpful!"
Danika: "Well, quit TRYING to be helpful and just HELP already!"
Kuta: "Well, there's no sense crying over spilt milk. Let's just try and make the best of it."
Adeth: "Hey, Sensai. What's down that middle tunnel that got you so disoriented?"
TRITHAL: "Let's just say it would be a good idea to NOT go down that one."
So the party proceeds down the tunnel and attempts to clear away the fallen rock from their path, just enough to they can get through. As they were clearing rocks away, they hear a faint voice in the distance.
faint voice in the distance: "Hey! Is anyone there?"
Adeth: "I don't think so... Which 'there' are you referring to?"
faint voice in the distance: "The one that's on the other side of these rocks that just mysteriously collapsed with a belch."
Adeth: "In that case, I guess we're here."
faint voice in the distance: "Well hey! I'm stuck over here! Can you help dig me out?"
THRAX: "That depends... will you shut up for 5 minutes so we can concentrate on digging you out?"
faint voice in the distance: "Yeah, I guess...."
The party resumes digging--
faint voice in the distance: "Hey! Are you guys Visugori?"
AXEM: "Uh, I don't know. What's a Visugori?"
TRITHAL: "Sounds like some kind of mixed drink."
AXEM: "Well, I am full of alcohol, but I don't think that makes me a mixed drink."
THRAX: "Hey! I said shut up! The more you talk the longer it's gonna take to dig you out!"
faint voice in distance: "Sorry, carry on!"
The party resumes digging agai--
faint voice in distance: "Are you guys done yet? I gotta take a crap!"
everyone: "NO!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
After some increment of time, the party finally clears a hole big enough for people to walk through. On the other side of the collapse they find what appears to be a young adolescent draconian.
AXEM: "SHIT! WHAT A QUEEF!!"
TRITHAL: "You seem to be saying that alot lately.... Are you into little boys?"
AXEM: "Well just like a pussy fart, they're equally as useless."
TRITHAL: "Whatever."
Just then, the young draconian takes off down the tunnel, pinching his sphinxter shut with his fingers, muttering "Gotta crap! Gotta crap!" He runs in a very awkward-looking way, as someone who was holding their ass shut and running at the same time would look.
Danika: "Hey! Maybe if we follow him he'll lead us to where the gates are!"
Anri: "Either that or shit on us!"
The party decides to follow the poor kid in excretory distress as he darted down the tunnels with his fingers in his crack. After about an hour of almost non-stop running, the kid stops at another fork in the tunnel then hops around in place while looking down each tunnel. A second later the party catches up.
Kuta: "Hey! We're looking for a Mr. Duoserg at the Gates of Hell. Do you know where that is?"
With his mind distracted with the impending bowel movement, the kid says, "Yeah, uh, wait here." then darts down one of the tunnels.
About 20 minutes later, the kid returns, followed closely by the odor of post-digested plant life. The party members hold their nose in disgust.
kid: "I'd recommend staying away from down there for the next 35 to 45 minutes."
ghost of Chris: "Top THAT!!"
TRITHAL (holding his nose): "Holy SHIT!! What the hell?!? Did you have to do that in an enclosed tunnel?"
Danika: "There ain't nothing 'holy' about that shit!"
At that point, Anri finds another tunnel and throws up."
Kuta: "So do you know the way to the gates of hell?"
Kid: "Yeah, but that lady just puked in the tunnel that goes there!"
AXEM: "Yeah, but you shit down that tunnel!"
Kid: "That's okay, that's the way to the Visugori camp. They can walk in shit!"
The party decides to distance itself from the grossness of the excrement, side-steps Anri's chunks and makes their way down the tunnel. As they make their way down, the kid tells the party that the Gates of Hell are about nine hours ahead. The party is already exhausted from the whole ordeal with Smaug that they decide to make camp in a small cutout of the tunnel and continue on in the morning.
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